So, here I am, starting another blog. What was I thinking.
That first post is always hard. It’s like when, at any small group function, someone inevitably suggests that we go round the room, saying who we are and what we do, telling our interests and other crap nobody really cares about. It feels obligatory and awkward, trapped in a dimension where it’s everyone’s first day at a new school. How horrible.
To my friends out there that I may be reading this, you know who and what I am. To anyone hapless enough to stumble onto this page, I’ll try to explain myself.
I am an overgrown child in his late thirties, married to an absolutely wonderful woman. Adjectives fail to capture her essence, so let’s leave it at “wonderful woman” for now. We have a three-year-old son who is basically a good kid but who rides my nerves like a cheap whore, an attitude which causes me a certain level of guilt. I am an English teacher at a 2-year institution of higher learning, where I spend my days teaching classes, grading papers and tests, and watching TV in my office while eating or grading, all the time feeling slightly like a time-wasting fraud. Why the hell my students need to know who Dante is or where a semicolon goes I have no clue, but I am indeed happy to be paid for the opportunity to tell them.
In my spare time, I hike and watch some TV, but mainly I play World of Warcraft. No, I haven’t played other MMO’s, tabletop games, or any of the other gateway drugs that lead to WoW. I was a tourist who liked the climate and culture of Azeroth so much that I bought a timeshare sometime after Burning Crusade but before Sunwell was released, and my wife came along soon after. It’s been our thing ever since. We’ve raided Kara and ZA as GM’s of our own guild, and after hooking up with our current one, we’ve gone through all the normal-mode content in Wrath and Cataclysm. Now we’re merrily leveling though Pandaria, gawping at all the architecture and cool storylines while most of our guild rocketed past us to 90, apparently in a great hurry to be bored with the expansion sooner than anyone else.
The blog I used to have was not a good one. I think I was trying too hard, too influenced by all the other bloggers out there that I was reading at the time. I abused my freedoms, and I got abused in return for doing so. Maybe this is a reboot, a fresh start that something good may come from. Yes, I know I’m an English teacher who just ended a sentence with a preposition. No, I don’t give a damn. I spend all day pointing out people’s writing flaws, and I’m tired of being the bad guy, even to myself, to whom I never seem to tire of being a twat. I hope to keep what I write free of truly grievous errors, but some stuff I’m just too unconcerned and jaded to give a good solid shit about.
See, writing as a former English major is a tricky business. We like what we write. We spend most of our lives writing things to please others, to get a grade. We spend a long time primping, preening, and fussing over it like some stage mother. Then we shove our curly-haired little moppet onto the stage and wait with hunched shoulders as she does her little dance….
And as the last tap rings out, all we hear is crickets. Or worse, jeering. And then we fold up in the floor, devastated.
So, I’m going to try not to get so attached to what I write. Just write it. Don’t like it? I well and truly don’t care. Feel like leaving a snide comment? You might get one back in return, or I might dismiss you as the troll you aspire to be if only you were wittier and watched more Lewis Black and less Jersey Shore, and simply block you. Do you like my half-assed opinions and dim observations on a small collection of topics? Then by all means say nice things, or lie because you pity me. I’ll take whatever positive reinforcement I can get.
Why am I trying this again? Good question. What thing of consequence can I write? English majors also prefer their writing to do something, accomplish some goal. What do I have to say of any consequence about WoW? There are a hundred blogs out there, full of people who don’t wretch at the sight of a spreadsheet, who are doing a damn sight better than I ever could. Am I actually contributing, or just vomiting in a crowded room?
I suppose the real point of this is that it satisfies an innate need that English majors have: to write. We spend our whole lives reading ambrosia from the gods, but most of us don’t have the balls to chuck the 9-to-5 and write the Next Great Novel. So, we blog, or write fan fiction, or some other simpler and less risky thing to satisfy that creative urge.
What will I write about? Warcraft, certainly, as the URL suggests. Parenting? Perhaps. Marriage? Maybe, but most likely not. It seems déclassé to talk about one’s married life to the whole world. One of my in-laws had a messy divorce and made it much messier by splattering it all over Facebook, and it would feel much like that if I were to air out even slightly dirty linen here.
I also want to write about depression. I suffer from, in the words of my shrink, “severe depression, moderate level.” I will most likely be on meds for it for the rest of my life. One thing I would like to help do, even in a small way, is bring mental illness out of the dark in American culture. There is still a stigma to it, and people react with either a superstitious warding off or a snorting dismissal. That stigma has to die, and it can’t die soon enough for either me or the millions who suffer from depression of all levels–and they do suffer, make no mistake, in ways that make my diagnosis look positively euphoric by comparison.
In writing this awkward little intro, I believe I’ve discovered another thing I want to do with this blog: to make people think. To think about why and how they play WoW. To think about their lives, beliefs, and attitudes. I suppose that one simple wish is at the heart of all decent, honest writing, and that’s just what I want to be here: honest.